Is Social Media Making Us All the Same?

- What up, world?

Myles Bess here.

Like anybody, I love a good internet trend, but over the years, some have really just been straight up odd.

- [Man 1] Oh, my god.

- [Myles] We might not wanna admit it, but deep in our brands is a desperate desire for social acceptance.

So much so that is really easy to just conform to what's already popular in getting likes.

- [Man 2] Never Again.

- Why?

And social media takes that desire and cranks it up to an 11.

I see you out there rocking your wide Air Force 1s, or your Panda Dunks, or that Gen Z broccoli cut.

I mean, sure.

Trends have always influenced style and what's popular, but it just seems like social media keeps serving up the same stuff in an endless loop.

What happened to being original where I decide?

So today, we're asking: Have we lost our individuality on social media?

(static crackling) Okay, I get it.

We're all social creatures.

We all wanna be accepted by the people around us.

And for that to happen, we need some level of conformity.

That's when we change our behavior to fit in with the people around us.

And we humans are some serious copycats, and it starts early.

Have you ever seen little kids watching a parent and kind of mimicking what they're doing?

First, that's adorable.

And second, that's conformity in action.

And when we need to make a decision without enough information, copying what's around us is a pretty good way to get through life and not die.

It's worked for me, unless I'm dead and I don't know it, or I'm in some sort of simulation.

Maybe?

Society itself relies on conformity: stopping at red light, standing in line, putting trash in trash cans, wearing a suit and tie, politics, even certain aspects of religion.

The list goes on, and on, and on.

But here's the thing.

Conformity pushed too far can cause problems, like think about peer pressure.

There's a group of people ganging up on someone, and we'd all like to think that we'd step in and help that person out.

But a lot of times, people end up joining in so the focus doesn't fall on them.

And not doing something can also be conformity.

It's called the bystander effect, which is when we don't help out because we assume other people around us will.

Like, if someone is asking for help on a busy street corner and a bunch of people are just walking by and not acknowledging them, it's really easy to conform and do the same thing.

Conformity can play out in our day-to-day lives without us even realizing that it's happening.

Like saying that you're a vegan when you're around a bunch of other vegans, but then grabbing a burger later because eating meat fills that hole deep inside your soul.

But this is just a hypothetical, I've never done anything like that before.

Signaling to others that we want to fit in is hardwired.

Researchers can see it in our brains.

When everyone in a group disagrees with us, brain regions associated with anxiety, disgust, and unease light up.

And the more these brain regions activate, the more likely it is that we're gonna seek relief and conform to what the group is doing.

Feeling like we belong releases the hormone oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone.

And it gives us this warm, fuzzy feeling when we connect and when we bond with someone.

And you know what happens when researchers give someone oxytocin, puts them in a group, and lets them choose the correct answer or the wrong answer that everyone else around them chose?

They're more likely to choose the wrong answer so that they can fit in.

This desire to conform really kicks into high gear when puberty hits.

There's this biological push to separate ourselves from our parents and develop our own identity that better aligns with our friends.

I wanted to better understand what teens today think about how conformity plays out on social media.

So I linked up with Asha, Zoya, and Jacquelin, three high schoolers in the Bay Area who collabed with me on this episode.

I hopped on a Zoom session with them and a couple of their friends to get their takes.

- I have noticed a lot of times when one thing becomes popular, like there's a new fashion trend out.

And then the next week after, it's almost like everybody's wearing nothing but that clothes.

- Whenever I scrolled on TikTok, I would see like, "Okay, this girl bought this lip gloss."

And I was like, "Ooh, this is really cool."

But then when I tried it on, I was drying my lips out.

And I think the amount of people that bought it and were talking about it made me wanna buy it.

- When I was younger, I definitely felt the pressure to be something that I'm not on social media.

It can make you put on this facade that you might be something that you're not or do things that you might not normally do or feel out of character for you.

- If I have a differing opinion than my friends, instead of talking about my opinion or saying that, "I don't actually agree with that," I'll usually stay quiet and just not add to the opinion that my friends have.

- Now, here's what I find really interesting.

If I was some alien that warped to planet Earth and someone kind of described to me in general what social media was and how it worked, I'd be like, "Hmm, sounds primitive.

I just teleported here."

No, but for real I'd probably be like, "That sounds dope!"

You got millions of people interacting with tons of different ideas, photos, videos.

That would have to increase individuality and creativity, right?

Well, there is this little psychological concept called groupthink.

It's the idea that the larger the group, the more the people in that group tend to think alike.

You might start out with a bunch of different and unique ideas and opinions, but only a small subset of those ideas will actually filter up to the top and get noticed.

Our brains are subconsciously pushing us to reach a group consensus.

Like remember "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X?

It went from a TikTok meme to one of the most popular pop songs of all time in just a matter of months.

To quote one tech journalist, "Despite the barrage of choice, more of us are enjoying more of the same songs, movies, and TV shows."

Now, people have to like something to make it popular, but eventually there is this tipping point where something just being popular primes us to like it.

And social media totally takes advantage of that.

I talked to Mitch Prinstein, who spent over 25 years researching how adolescents form relationships with each other, and he broke it down like this.

- So psych science has demonstrated that you are more likely to like a post that's already been liked, and you are more likely to like a post that's already been liked by your friends.

So now we've got a a real backwards thing that's happening.

We are being influenced by people who have a lot of followers rather than us following the people that we think should have the most influence.

- And social media can lead to so many other pockets of conformity that I'm sure you've heard of, like echo chambers, where we're only hearing the same perspectives and opinions that reinforce what we already believe over and over again.

They're fueled by confirmation bias.

And if you wanna learn more, we did an episode all about that that you should totally check out.

And you've also got performative activism where people pretend to support a cause because it's trendy or it gets them likes.

We got a separate episode on that, too, that you should also check out.

Okay.

But if you watch this show, you know there's always a flip side to all of this.

Social media, the very thing that can supercharge conformity, plays a big role in how we shape our own individual identities, especially in young people with developing brains.

We're signaling to others who we are by the photos we post, the info we share.

And we can use this to influence how other people perceive us.

And one big part of creating an identity, for better or worse, has to do with social comparison.

Like, when you think about your friends, how do you measure up?

Are you more successful or less successful?

Are you better looking or worse looking?

- We didn't walk around in the '80s with great photos of ourselves, holding them up in front of everyone and saying, "Tell me I look attractive.

Tell me I look attractive."

But, that's kind of what happens now.

You try a new hairstyle, a new look, a new hobby, a new location or friendship, and you can put it up for crowdsourcing feedback from the entire world.

And that's shaping kids' identity development in ways we never imagined might have happened.

- At this point, I'm sure we're all very familiar with how social media feeds off our needs to constantly compare ourselves to others.

It all taps into another side concept that social media can exploit.

It's called reflected appraisal.

It's when we think about ourselves in the same way we think other people think about us.

- If they think I'm great, I must be great.

If they think that I'm not, maybe I'm not.

So now think about how powerful social media is where you can literally get a quantified vote on what people think about you in real time that has really supercharged this reflected appraisal process in a big way.

- So is social media always negative when it comes to all this identity formation stuff?

To answer that, I went back to my high school peeps to get their take.

- Sometimes, it's hard for you to tell what part of your life is for social media and what part of your life is just for you and as your authentic self.

And I think that I've gotten a lot better about being able to differentiate those and choose the authentic side of me more.

I like to update people on what I'm doing, what I've been liking recently, what music I've been liking, what books I've been reading.

And I think that it's gotten easier for me to choose the more authentic side each time, rather than the side that is curated and made to be perfect for everybody else to watch.

And kids do.

- Social media might be screaming at us to conform, but if we're able to be more authentic when using it, we can tap into our real interests instead of the algorithm dictating to us what our interests are.

- I've been, for two years, ever since I was 13, in the Bay Area punk scene.

And how I figured out that that was the thing was through social media, I found a flyer for a show that was coming up, and it was one of my core memories.

It was one of the funnest experiences I ever had.

And now, I've been in this community for two years.

80% of my friends are from this community, too.

Sometimes they think about it like, "If I never found that flyer, what would life for me be like right now?"

- So is joining in a punk scene conformity?

I mean, yeah.

But remember, conformity isn't good or bad.

Kind of depends on how and why we're conforming.

Is it mindless participation or are we actively choosing something that aligns with what we value?

So what do you all think?

Are you seeing social media more of a place for conformity or have you found a pocket of creativity where you can be your original self?

Let me know.

As always, I'm your host Myles Bess.

Peace out.

(lively music) (ethereal music)